


When I See You Again

by paigenotpage



Series: When I See You Again [1]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-29
Updated: 2015-07-19
Packaged: 2018-04-06 17:56:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4231296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paigenotpage/pseuds/paigenotpage
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She was a mage, and he was a former templar. The Chantry had taught them to fear, if not hate, each other. Though when he looked at her, there was no hate, no malice, no fear in her gaze. Terrible things had happened to her, he knew that. She had secrets, so did he. They were different, yet so similar. They had demons to face, could they possibly do it together?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This, for the most part, will follow Inquisition. Some parts are a little a/u (gotta throw in some angst) ;)

**Five Years Earlier:**

 

“ _Evie… I've learned something.”_

_She brushed her rain-drenched bangs out of her eyes to look towards her beloved. He had returned to her, she was so afraid. He had been missing for days after the defeat of the Archdemon and she had feared the worst._

_She smiled slightly, though his face remained melancholy. “What is it that troubles you?”_

_He moved closer to her and took her hand in his. He was playing with her fingers with a far-off expression in his eyes. This wasn't the man she knew, the man she loved… something was wrong._

_He pulled his gaze from her fingers and looked into her eyes. “With Loghain dead, the throne falls to me… if I decide to take it.”_

_Her eyes widened, whatever it was that she was expecting, it was not this. “And your decision?”_

_He dropped her hand and looked away from her. “The Hero has already declared me as King, though I have not accepted the title as of yet.” He paused and looked back towards her, “Evie, you know know how the Counsel feels about mages, if I took the throne, you would not be able to come with me.”_

_She knew what he was doing. He was giving her the chance to protest, to beg him to stay with her. She knew that he would stay if she asked, but she couldn't in good conscious ask him to turn down the crown. Whatever decision he made, it would have to be for him… not for her._

_She turned away then and walked out of the small cave she was currently calling home and into the thundering rain. She knew he followed her, his presence was one that she would know even in her darkest trips into the Fade. Over the years her body had become so attuned to him she often joked that soon she would be able to read his mind._

_His body pressed against her back and his large, warm hands fell on her shoulders. “What should I do Evie?”_

_She sighed and spoke softly, just loud enough to hear over the rain. “The decision is not mine, you have to do what your heart is telling you.” She held her breath and waited for his answer, selfishly praying to the Maker that he would choose her, she feared she wouldn't know how to survive without him._

_She felt his chest rumble against her back as he took a deep breath. “The Counsel won't accept a mage as their Queen, they have been poisoned by the Chantry's view on magic for too many centuries.” He paused but then continued softly, “but perhaps, after I was crowned I could convince them otherwise.”_

_She truly felt as though her heart had dropped out of her chest at his words. She fought to keep herself on her feet, though she could feel her legs giving out under her. She kept her mouth clamped shut until she knew her speech would not falter. She would not let him see her pain, he had done so much for her, she would not make him stay._

_When she spoke, she chose her words carefully. “You are the King that Ferelden deserves.”_

_She almost sobbed as she felt his hands squeeze her shoulders, “You know this is not goodbye Evie, I will come back for you. I love you, most ardently.”_

_Suddenly she was grateful for the rain, knowing that it would mask the tears she could no longer hold back. “You are my sun, my moon, and all of my stars. I love you Alistair.”_

_She didn't turn when his hands left her shoulders. She welcomed the bone-crushing cold that fell upon her from the unyielding rain… the cold meant that she could still feel._

* * *

 

“Commander, I have the information on the prisoner that Sister Leliana was able to uncover.”

Cullen quickly grabbed the report and nodded his thanks to the scout. “Very good. Have me alerted the second she wakes, I will be present for her questioning.”

The scout left with a quick “Ser!” Cullen ran a weary hand over his face as he moved closer to the fire to review the report.

 _Lady Evelyn Trevelyan_  
Daughter of Bann Trevelyan of the Free Marches  
24 years of age  
Originally a member of the Ostwick Circle of Magi  
Escaped when the Circle fell and lived as an apostate for several years.  
Knight Enchanter

Cullen sighed, it wasn't very much information but it was a start… and he was always good at reading between the lines.

She was a noble, a Trevelyan. He knew the family, many of them were in the Order or at the very least very involved with the Chantry. He couldn't imagine someone from such a devout family causing such chaos, though he must admit stranger things have happened

As a Knight Enchanter, Cullen knew she must be a very powerful and disciplined mage. Whatever magicks she cast, she would be precise and things would turn out exactly as she planned. Knight Enchanters didn't make mistakes. So figuratively speaking, if she _wanted_ to blow up the Temple of Sacred Ashes she would be very capable.

What stuck out most to him was that she was a member of the Ostwick Circle. Kirkwall was known for being the most formidable Circle, thanks to former Knight-Commander Meredith, but there were similar reports that came from Ostwick. He knew the fall of Ostwick was just as bloody as Kirkwall. He knew the templars there were corrupted and that the mages were just as repressed as his former charges.

If he recalled correctly not many mages made it out of Ostwick, and the ones that had were tracked and transferred to other Circles.

So how did she get out? Where had she been? What was an apostate doing at the Conclave?

Before he could get all of his thoughts sorted the door to his cabin crashed open. He was surprised to see his second-in-command so frazzled, even through the entire explosion Rylen's face had been close to devoid of emotion. “Commander, you must come quickly. The tear in the Fade is growing, demons are crawling all over what's left of the Temple.” Cullen quickly armed himself with his shield and sword and grabbed is helm as he followed him out into the biting cold of Haven.

And that, was when he first saw the tear in the Heavens.

Hours before, when the prisoner fell out, the rift in the Fade was much smaller, something they thought easily managed with a few soldiers… how very wrong they were.

Cullen pulled on his helm and tightened his grip on his sword. He sent a silent prayer to the Maker and followed Captain Rylen to the Temple.

 

 

 

 


	2. The Meeting

She could hardly believe what she was hearing.

There was a tear in the sky, a tear _straight_ into the Fade and she had fallen out of it. It was even kind enough to leave her with a parting gift: the glowing Fade-green, _painful_ mark on her left hand. Everyone at the Conclave was dead, except her.

She couldn't respond to any of the Lady Seeker's questions, she had no answers. Her last memories were of arriving at Conclave, then nothing. The explosion, the mark on her hand… she was just as clueless as they were.

As the Seeker drug her through the camps at Haven she almost wanted to laugh at the situation. She had spent years on the run after escaping the clutches of the Templars, only to find herself a prisoner yet again by the Seekers of Truth. No matter where she went, there was no escaping them.

The Seeker surprised her when she allowed her the staff after being attacked by the demons that were falling out of the hole in the sky. Evelyn knew that her life was on the line and there was no way she could go into this unarmed. Truth be told, she didn't expect to live much longer anyway so she might as well go down fighting.

“You're right, you don't need a staff Knight-Enchanter, but you should have one. I cannot protect you in the valley.”

Evelyn's eyes shot towards the Seeker as they made their way closer to the Temple. “So you know me?”

The Seeker chuckled humorlessly, “I know who you are, but I do not _know_ you.”

Evelyn fell silent and wordlessly followed the Seeker ever-closer to the rift. “We're getting close to the rift. You can hear the fighting!”

Evelyn looked beyond the Seeker towards the eery green glow. “Who's fighting?” As she rounded the corner Evelyn found she needed no answer. There was a large green crystalline rift mere feet above the soldiers who were fighting against the demons that were pouring out. She needed no more encouragement, and readily joined the fight.

When the demons were dealt with, the elven man who later introduced himself as Solas thrust her marked hand towards the rift. Evelyn panicked as the raw pain shot through her entire body, surely this couldn't be the end? After a few moments the pain blinked out instantly and the rift was gone. She had closed it, or rather the mark did.

They made their way through the mountain path and successfully closed the rift that had taken over the Temple of Sacred Ashes. There were voices that poured out of the Rift, her own, the Divine, and an ominous voice whom she assumed was responsible for the entire mess. As they left the Temple and made their way back to Haven, Evelyn found that she had no answers, only more questions.

 

* * *

 

“Where is the prisoner now?”

Cullen watched as the Seeker paced in front of the war table. The Seekers of Truth were always in control, their position demanded it. Yet here Cassandra looked just as lost as the rest of them. “She is resting. Closing the rift took most of her energy.” She paused and looked back towards the Commander. “I can't say she is a prisoner any longer. There were voices that came out of the rift. Her's, the most Holy's… she called out to her for help. I am not certain that the mage had any part of the explosion.”

Cullen raised his brow at Cassandra. “You do hear yourself right, _voices came from the rift?_ You know what lives on the other side of a rift? Demons of course, and some demons have the power of speech. This woman is a Knight-Enchanter, she could be playing you all.”

Cassandra shook her head and looked pointedly towards the Commander. “I'm pretty sure she was focused on other things, like the giant tear in the sky. Anyway, Solas has confirmed that the voices were a memory of sorts. A recording of what happened there.”

Cullen had to swallow his reply as the Seeker tossed down a heavy tome in front of him. “You know what that is Commander?” Cullen rested his hands on the pommel of his sword and waited for her to continue. “That is a Writ from the Divine, granting us the authority to act.” She chuckled slightly and continued. “I regret you missed the look on the Chancellor's face when I did not allow him to chain the Herald and declared the Inquisition reborn.”

Cullen smirked slightly. “The Herald?

Cassandra nodded. “That is what the people of Haven are calling her, 'The Herald of Andraste.'”

Cullen's eyes widened and he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. “Herald of Andraste? That's quite the claim isn't it?”

Cassandra shook her head, “It may be exactly what we need. Regardless of anything else, she is the only one with the power to close the Rifts.”

“What does the woman have to say about all of this?"

Before Cassandra could answer, Sister Leliana and Josephine Montilyet filed in quietly. Leliana smiled slightly and said, “You would be surprised Commander. She seems to be taking it all in stride. She wants this ended as much as we do.”

Cassandra nodded towards the two women and continued, “The important thing here is that Solas believes the we may be able to close the Breach, provided the mark has more power.”

“More power? What exactly does that entail?”

Everyone's attention snapped towards the doorway where a young woman stood. Cullen was surprised, he wasn't expecting the Herald to be so… pretty.

She was quite a bit shorter than he, almost elven in height. Her hair was so pale it was almost white and she wore it tied back in a sleek bun. She was pale, with a dusting of freckles across her nose and cheeks. Her eyes were a dazzling shade of emerald, and were framed by heavy black lashes. Her lips were full and seemed as though they were set in a permanent pout. If he was being honest with himself she was quite a bit more than pretty.

Cullen looked away quickly when he realized the Hearld had caught him staring and was looking at him with a peculiar gaze. _Way to go Rutherford._

Her attention turned back to Cassandra as she spoke. “The same level of power used to open the Breach in the first place, that is not easy to come by.”

Cullen was surprised when the Herald laughed. “What harm could there be in powering up something we barely understand?”

Cassandra smiled slightly, “Hold on to that sense of humor.” Cassandra then turned her attention towards him and said, “May I present Commander Cullen, leader of the Inquisition's forces.”

Cullen allowed his attention to be turned back towards the Herald and he smiled slightly. “Such as they are. We lost many in the Valley, and I fear many more before this is through.”

Cassandra wasted no time introducing the rest of the Inquisition's advisors and to the Herald's credit she took all of their introductions in stride with a kind smile. “It's a pleasure to meet you all.”

Cassandra turned towards her and said, “I mentioned your mark needs more power to close the Breach for good...”

“Which mean we must approach the rebel mages for help.” Leliana interupted.

Cullen sighed, he knew this was coming. No matter where he went or what he did the 'mages vs templars' debate always came up. “I disagree. The templars could serve just as well.”

Cassandra sighed, “We need power Commander. Enough magic poured into that mark-”

“Might destroy us all.” He interjected. “Templars could suppress the Breach, weaken it so-”

“Forgive me, but could the Templars suppress the Breach without suppressing the mark, or my power?” The Herald looked towards him and smiled slightly. “I am a mage you know. Templars were created to tame people like me, not gigantic tears in the Fade.”

Cullen's expression softened. “ _I_ was a Templar. I know what they're capable of.”

He was surprised when the Herald's smile grew. “I figured. Former Knight-Commander no doubt?”

Before he could even think of a response Josephine informed them that regardless, they could not approach either the mages or Templars just yet. Cullen had to give the Herald credit, all of the information that was being thrown at her she took in stride. She was a bit flustered when they informed her of the title she had been given. “It's quite the title isn't it? How do you feel about that?”

She shrugged uncomfortably and said, “It's a bit unnerving.”

Cullen nodded slightly, content with her response. So she was uncomfortable with it, anyone in their right mind would be. The meeting went on for hours, and at the end of it the Herald was going to The Hinterlands to meet with Mother Giselle, accompanied by Cassandra, Varric and Solas. Hopefully she would come back with some information as well as expand their influence by recruiting agents to their cause.

The meeting was adjourned and Cullen stayed behind to collect his reports.

Cassandra watched him as he shuffled his papers together. “What do you think of her?”

Cullen glanced up before turning his attention back to the reports. “The Herald? I think she is brave. In the past 24 hours her entire life has been turned upside down, and she's taken it all in stride.”

“Even though she is a mage?”

Cullen turned towards Cassandra and gave her his full attention. “Her being a mage is not a problem Seeker.”

Cassandra smiled slightly and walked towards the door. “Remember that Commander. We are not mages and Templars here, we are all part of the Inquisition.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was intended to be completely different, but I decided to focus more on the start of the Inquisition and the meeting of our Commander and Inquisitor. There will me much more Cullen X Inquisitor action in the next chapter, as well as a few answers to lingering questions :)


	3. Trust

As the hours slowly crawled on the pounding between Cullen's eyes grew worse, along with his patience and his temper. Cullen was grateful for the recruits that came pouring into Haven every day. It seemed every man, woman, and child wanted justice for the Divine.  There were farmers, merchants, Templars and even mages. 

Cullen had a lot to atone for. He had done many terrible things in his life that he  sought repentance for . Some nights he lay awake wondering how the Maker had decided he was worthy of not only a second but a third chance. He should have perished half-mad at Kinloch Hold, yet he was spared. Again at Kirkwall he blindly followed his Knight-Commander. He trusted that her judgment was the Maker's will, only to find himself being part of the driving force behind the mage rebellion. 

He had spent his whole life thinking there was no greater calling than becoming a part of the Templar Order. He wanted nothing more than to be a part of the Chantry's defenders, to protect the faithful from magical threats. Now, he wanted nothing to do with that life. Everything that he thought he had ever wanted was suddenly purged from him. 

Yes, he had a lot to atone for; but change didn't come overnight. 

Cullen was trying, he really was. He wasn't afraid of mages anymore, not like he had been. Here was the Commander of the Inquisition's forces, and they turned down no man regardless of whether his specialty lay with physical, or magical combat. Cullen knew how to train a solid warrior, but with mages he wasn't even sure where to start. 

Cullen watched as yet another soldier armed with a sword and shield cowered anytime the mage he was sparring with twitched his staff  as the mage eyed the warrior warily . He sighed and ran a hand wearily through his hair. “Recruit!” 

The man in question turned towards the Commander quickly. “Ser!”

“If you are to effectively defend yourself during a magical attack, you will have to learn how to not cower behind your shield in the presence of a mage! We all must learn to work together!”

Cullen sighed as the recruit continued to cower behind his shield. He was getting nowhere.

He was pulled out of his thoughts by a musical laugh coming from behind him. He looked over his shoulder to see the Herald. He knew she had returned from the Hinterland s recently, but had not seen her.  The first thing he noticed was that she looked different.

Her loose blond curls fell freely around her shoulders, a stark difference from her usual severe bun. Her nose was tinged pink, likely from spending long hours on the saddle in the sun. She was wearing new armor, a deep plum enchanter's coat and her staff was secured on her back.  Her hands rested easily in her pockets and she wore an easy smile on her face. A stark contrast from the woman that fell out of the fade only two months earlier.  Cullen cursed himself as his eyes met the Herald's, she had caught him staring… again. He felt his face flush and quickly turned his face back towards the recruits.

She stood next to him and they surveyed the recruits in silence. After a few moments she turned towards him with a sly smile. “You need some help.”

Cullen felt himself bristle at her words. He was the Commander of their forces, this was his territory. He could handle the training of their troops. “I'm not sure what you mean Herald. The mages and warriors merely need to learn to fight together.”

The Herald shook her head. “I apologize, I do not mean to offend. I have every confidence in you as the leader of our forces.” Cullen couldn't help but stand a little straighter at her words. “The thing is,” she continued, “You are highly skilled in training Templars… hand to hand combat. Correct me if I'm wrong but your training with mages pretty much exclusively  consisted of silencing their power ?”

Cullen felt himself begin to nervously shift his weight from foot to foot. He crossed his arms over his chest and turned his attention fully towards the Herald. “Part of a Templar's physical training when dealing with mages does focus mostly on magical suppression, though it isn't intended to bring physical harm to them.”

Cullen watched as something dark passed over the Herald's expression before she covered it with a perfectly composed smile. “Shall we dance on eggshells forever Commander?”

Cullen knew exactly what she meant, and he only had a split-second to decide how to approach her loaded question.  He was a particularly obstinate man and s he was a mage, everything that he had feared for years. They had tortured him, humiliated him; yet she had shown him nothing but kindness. They hadn't spoken much since the explosion, but she always had a nice word and a kind smile in passing. Did he continue to treat her with rigid aloofness, or did he  accept her offer of help… accept her?

He knew he was being unfair to her. C ullen sighed and rubbed a gloved hand at the back of his neck. “ They don't trust each other. They have their reasons, but if they can't learn to spar together then they will never be able to trust each other side by side in combat.”

Cullen watched as the Herald's eyes warmed slightly as she nodded her approval at his  reasoning . She pulled her staff from her back and looked at it with curiosity. She looked back at Cullen with a sly smirk on her lips. “I wonder C ullen , do  _you_ trust  _me_ ?”

Cullen felt his eyes widen slightly, another loaded question.  _Did_ he trust her? She was the Herald of Andraste. She had fearlessly led their troops throughout the Hinterlands, spreading their influence and gained agents left and right. She had marched to Val Royeaux and stood tall even as the Chantry publicly denounced her. Even after the Lord Seeker's foolish display she had assured them that she wasn't counting out an alliance with the Templars just yet. The people of  Haven and the Inquisition adored her. She always found time to have a word with anyone that sought her out.  Even for the children, she always seemed to have a sweet tucked away for each once as they flocked to her whenever she returned to Haven. 

Did he trust her? After everything she had done and everything she continued to do, how could he not?

He swallowed the lump that suddenly grew in his throat  and nodded towards her. “Yes, I trust you.”

She smiled brightly  and tightened the grip on her staff. “Then perhaps you and I should have a spar of our own?”

Cullen felt his lips curl into a smile despite himself. “That depends, think you can stand up to a good shield-bash?”

Cullen felt himself warm as the Herald laughed loudly. “I'm stronger than I look Commander, and quite fast. You would have to catch me first.”

Cullen pulled his shield from behind his back and tested the weight of it. “We should address the troops, I'm sure this is going to be an interesting match.” He smirked towards the Herald and said, “I'm sure the Healers will have a fair amount of work to do with you when this is over.”

Evelyn took a few steps ahead of him and twirled her staff a bit as she walked to the training ring. She smiled coyly at Cullen over her shoulders and said, “Hold on to that sense of humor Commander, for soon you will be staring up me from the flat of your back, and not from a bedroll.” 

Cullen grumbled as the Herald caught sight of his flaming cheeks and her laughed washed over him as she skipped ahead of him towards the ring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one is so short. Leaving a bit of suspense for their spar :)   
> and some cutsey pre-relationship fluffiness comes in the next chapter!


	4. Revelations

As they fought Evelyn came to realize that her and the Commander had a few things in common. 

They began friendly enough, she was light-handed with her spells, and he was doing more defending than attacking. As they continued to dance circles around each other she continued to get increasingly frustrated. He was trying not to hurt her, and she was trying not to frighten him. 

Evelyn was a quiet person, an introvert if you will. She was always observing, always listening. She spoke little, but she understood and absorbed much. He had never said as much, but in the little time she had spent around Cullen she knew something terrible had happened to him, and it somehow had to do with mages. She noticed how his jaw clenched ever-so-slightly whenever spells were cast around him. She noticed how he gripped the pommel of his sword tightly and his eyes narrowed whenever a possible alliance with the mages was mentioned. She noticed how he avoided her, perhaps without even realizing it himself.

She respected his unmentioned fear of mages, much like her unmentioned fear of Templars. They both had a past, but she trusted him, and he said he trusted her. It was time to test that trust. 

 

* * *

 

Cullen's eyes widened at Evelyn's frustrated growl. The sneer on her face was so out of character for her… or was it? It hadn't occurred to him until then that he hadn't ever seen her fight before. In truth he hardly knew anything about her at all. 

She slammed her staff down and narrowed her eyes at Cullen. “Enough!” She bellowed out. “Perhaps we should stop treating each other as if the other shall break?” 

So she had noticed. He fought the urge to look sheepish, for he knew that she was holding back as well. He tightened the grip on his sword and nodded minutely. He barely had a chance to get his shield up before she spun her staff around and hit him squarely with a bolt of electricity. He wasn't shocked, but she got in a good solid hit. He could feel the raw power behind her spell, but he wasn't afraid. His lips curved up in a smirk as he charged her, the fight had finally begun. 

The crowd around them grew as their spar intensified. Cullen was learning her patterns, and she was learning his. She was particularly well skilled in electrical magic, and had gotten past his shield more times that he was comfortable with. She was fast, but he was quicker than he looked. He had gotten past her barrier enough to piss her off. 

Cullen watched as her cool smile changed into a look of feral determination. Her eyes seemed to glow with magic as she expertly wielded her staff. She swung her staff with such ferocity that her hair seemed to float around her as if it had a mind of it's own. If he believed in such silly notions he would have said that in that moment her beauty was ethereal. 

And that was where he made his mistake. 

A coy smirk appeared on her full lips, dragging his attention to them. She took advantage of his momentary diversion and swung her staff around to knock his legs out from under him. He fell back with a resounding thud and she planted a booted foot on his chest while holding her staff blade inches from his neck. 

The crowd cheered as she looked down at him with a challenging smile. She opened her mouth to speak but Cullen had other ideas. He still held his sword in his hand and faster than the blink of an eye he hit the back of her knee with the flat of his blade hard enough for her to lose her balance. As she began to fall he grabbed her waist and flipped her body until she hit the ground beneath him. He planted his knee on her abdomen and held his sword at her throat. 

She was breathing heavily and her eyes were dancing with laughter. “I believe you have outsmarted me Commander.”

He didn't move, but smirked at her as he sheathed his blade. “What was it that you said? ' _I would be staring at you from the flat of my back?'”_

Evelyn laughed then and he let off of her, offering a hand to help her up. She grabbed it and stood up with a wince. “You've wound my pride Commander. We shall have to hold a rematch, perhaps sometime after I get these ribs looked at.”

Cullen's smirk fell. “You're hurt? I'll escort you to a healer immediately.”

Evelyn's laughed turned to a grimace as she waved off his outstretched hand. “I'm fine Commander. Just bruised I think, I'll have Solas take a look.” She dropped her pitch and winked at him, “When you address your troops, let them think I made you work for your victory a bit shall you?”

Cullen smiled at her. “I won't have them think anything. I did work for it, I will admit you almost had me there.”

Evelyn laughed as she slightly limped towards the gates of Haven. “Perhaps next time you won't be so lucky.” 

Cullen watched her as she disappeared behind Haven's gates. Shaking away a smile as he turned to address his troops.

 

* * *

 

“ _You won't ever make it out of this tower again.” Evelyn trembled as she felt the Knight-Captain's blade dance along her abdomen. He wasn't applying enough pressure for the blade to slice her skin; not yet anyway, that always came later. “You are going to die here, die by my hand.”_

_Evelyn kept her eyes closed and her mouth shut. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction of her whimpers and tears. If she was going to die, she would do it quietly and with dignity._

“ _You're the last one left you know.” She cursed herself for flinching at the Knight-Captain's words, whispered against her ear. “Every_ _mage_ _you ever knew here, they're all dead.”_

Evelyn jolted out of bed, a silent scream tearing at her throat. She panted wildly as she pushed her sweat-soaked bangs out of her eyes and groped the blankets desperately for her staff, a dagger… anything. After a few moments her eyes adjusted to the dim light and her heart rate returned to normal. She was in her cabin in Haven, not locked in the Circle Tower. She was tangled in her bedsheets, not strapped to a table. 

Evelyn rubbed her eyes roughly, ridding herself of the last remnants of the terrible memories. She tossed the blankets off off her and began to pace the small space. It had been so long since the nightmares had plagued her, she was a fool to ever think she would be free of them. She sighed and pulled on a heavy robe before she stepped out into the snow. It would be hours before the sun rose, but she knew sleep would not come to her again tonight. 

Haven was quiet and peaceful in the wee hours of the morning. Lit only by the green glow of the breach, even the tavern was dark as she made her way past. She stepped lightly, not wanting to wake any of the soldiers who were sleeping soundly in their tents. 

Soon she reached her destination, the docks that were anchored in the frozen lake. It was the perfect spot to just sit and reflect, her favorite place to ease her mind. She wasn't even irritated when she noticed the figure leaning against the post in her usual spot. A quiet smile settled upon her lips as she made her way towards him, it was almost as if she had expected him to be there.

“Trouble sleeping?” 

Evelyn hid her smile at the Commander's flinch. Whatever it was that he was thinking about, it had consumed him. She was sure not much slipped by him, even an unusually quiet mage. He looked towards her with a smile, and stepped to the side; a silent invitation to join him. “Sleep does not come easily these days,” he said sadly.

Evelyn joined him and followed his gaze towards the breach. “It's almost beautiful isn't it?”

Cullen chuckled humorlessly. “In a way I suppose. A haunting beauty, one that exists only to consume, one you do not wish to be around for long.” Evelyn smiled to herself, he understood. She felt his gaze shift and she knew he was staring at her, something he did often, something she found strangely endearing. She looked towards him to see he was frowning thoughtfully at her. “You look unwell.”

Evelyn cursed herself for not running a brush through her hair or splashing some water on her face, knowing she probably looked ghastly. She felt her face redden, hoping he couldn't see it in the ashy light of the breach. “I admit, I didn't exactly expect company.”

To her amazement she watched Cullen's own cheeks flush as his eyes widened. “I'm sorry, that's not what I meant. You always look lovely… I mean, um… you're always smiling and right now you look… lost.”

Evelyn felt her lips curl upwards as the Commander looked anywhere but at her, absently scratching his neck. So he thought her lovely? She beamed inwardly at his confession. She had thought the Commander a beautiful man from the moment she laid eyes on him. Tall, blond, templar. She wanted to laugh, it seemed she had a type. 

She decided to alter the subject, it was obvious he was mortified at his revelation. She would leave it alone… for now. “You are very perceptive Cullen. I had a nightmare, one that has not plagued me in years.”

Cullen glanced back down at her before turned his gaze back towards the breach. He stopped fidgeting with his fingers, seemingly relieved at the change of subject. He nodded slightly, “I understand. I too am plagued by nightmares. Would… would you care to talk about it?”

Evelyn smiled softly, knowing he was asking after her out of politeness. He didn't need to know of the dreams that were more than nightmares, memories that she didn't care to think or speak of. “Not particularly, they are memories of my time in the circle.”

Cullen nodded and smiled softly. Perhaps he understood? She was sure that he had gone through his  own fair share of nightmares  at Kirkwall. “I've never met anyone from the Ostwick circle besides yourself.”

Evelyn closed her eyes as she let out the breath she wasn't aware she was holding. He didn't know, possibly none of them did. It had been five years, she was sure by now it would have come to light. Perhaps Alistair did keep his word. 

She found herself wanting to tell him the truth, It was a burden she had bared alone for too long. She took a deep breath and lifted her gaze to his. “That's because I was the only person to survive Ostwick.”


	5. The Truth

After all of the things that he had witnessed over the years, Cullen didn’t think there was anything left that had the ability to shock him. Yet once again he was finding himself surprised by Evelyn.

Cullen stilled and looked down at her solemn eyes. “I’m sorry, did I hear you right?”

He was surprised when Evelyn chuckled humorlessly. She slid down the post and sat down heavily on the dock, pulling her robe tighter around her. “Let me guess, they told you when the Circle fell the mages that escaped were transferred to other Circles, because Ostwick was destroyed beyond repair?”

Cullen was stunned into silence. That was almost exactly what their reports had said when they received them years ago when he was transferred to Kirkwall. “I… well, yes. That’s what the reports said.”

If she was surprised, she didn’t show it. She merely nodded tiredly. “I suspected. It’s been well covered up, and I’m not afraid to admit that I preferred it that way. No one wanted it to get out that the mages had overthrown the Templars. It would throw Thedas into chaos.” She chuckled and finally let her gaze meet his. “It would seem the mage rebellion was inevitable. Once again I find myself the lone survivor in a massive attack.” She held out her wrists to him, “Will you shackle me and toss me back in a cell? I’ll go willingly. I’m tired of secrets.”

Cullen ignored the barb she tossed him. He remembered the initial reports, but there were never any that followed. While in Kirkwall they had received no additional mages, no Templars had joined them. At the time he thought nothing of it, he was busy trying to put his mind back together and find his place within Kirkwall’s Order.

He looked back down towards Evelyn. She had dropped her wrists but she was slumped over, staring out over the frozen lake but not seeing anything. She looked… defeated. He had never seen her like that before. She always had a calm and cool demeanor; whatever had happened… it had been bad. “Evelyn?” He asked quietly. “What happened?”

* * *

 

She knew the question was coming and she thought she was prepared for it, but she was not. She had never spoken about what happened, ever. There was only one person alive who even had an idea, and all he knew was what he saw. She had to talk about it; she had held it in for so long.

It was time.

She let her eyes drift up towards his. “For 14 years, I never felt the rain on my skin. I never felt the grass under my feet or the warmth from the sun. Sure, I could cast magic under the watchful eye of a Templar while locked away in a chamber but everything about my life was controlled. I was told what and when to eat, when and where to sleep, to bathe. We weren’t necessarily treated poorly, but we were essentially prisoners. There was no freedom there.”

She turned her gaze back towards the frozen waters and continued. “It happened long before Kirkwall fell. Once word got out that the Hero was a mage, and what she was doing against the Blight, the mages began to whisper and the Templars panicked. Slowly mages began to disappear.” She shook her head and frowned. “Foolishly, I turned a blind eye towards it all. In my heart I knew what was happening, but I was selfish. I didn’t have much, but I had my life. I wanted to keep it.”

She paused as Cullen sagged down to sit next to her. He was close, warm, solid. He was silent, but he was listening. It was all she needed to continue.

“Then one night, I awoke to screaming. The mages were rebelling, and there was slaughter everywhere. All I could think of were the children. I was 5 when I was taken away to the Circle, still a scared little thing. I didn’t even bother to grab my staff, I just ran for the children’s dormitories. If there was anything I could do, I would do it to save those children.” She closed her eyes, willing back the tears that threatened. “The beds were empty when I got there, there was blood everywhere.”

“I didn’t know what to do, so I just ran out into the halls. It was chaos; people were being cut down everywhere: mages and Templars alike. There was so much devastation. It was a war that could not be won. Mage, Templar, it didn’t matter anymore. All I saw were people; people who were senselessly killing each other.”

She chuckled humorlessly. “Still, I was selfish… so I ran. I had no armor, no staff, not even a dagger. I had no way to protect myself, yet I still ran towards the gates. The fighting had spilled out onto the grounds.” She paused suddenly and continued softly, “It was snowing outside. I remember the first thing that came to my mind was how I had forgotten how cold the snow could be. I was distracted, and that was my fatal mistake. “

“A Templar caught me, and because I was afraid I threw my hands up in defeat. I could have gotten away if I hadn’t been so foolish. I thought that since I had been in good standing with the Templars before it would save me… I was wrong. I wasn’t killed on the spot, but I was imprisoned along with several others.”

“They knew who I was. I had recently been elevated to First Enchanter. I was powerful, and they wanted to punish me for it.” She shook her head and sighed. “Me, a mage who had never lifted a hand or defied a single Templar’s order. They wanted me to suffer for nothing other than the fact that I existed.”

“There were very few of us left, and only a handful of Templars. We were tortured, mercilessly. Every day I waited… hoped, to die. Soon I was the only one left. I don’t know how many weeks I spent shackled to a table. I knew that I would die there, and no one would ever know. I was weak; I had given up and accepted my fate.”

She was silent for a moment and Cullen finally spoke, his voice raw with emotion. “How did you escape?”

She felt her lips curl as she thought about the awkward young man who had been her saving grace. “A traveling Grey Warden, he was on his way to join his fellow Wardens against the Blight and happened upon the carnage. When he was greeted by hostile Templars he fought his way through and found me.”

“He barricaded the door to buy time to get me situated. As soon as he got me off of the table and onto my feet we heard shouting and the few remaining Templars broke down the door and came thundering in.” Evelyn paused as she felt something heavy settle upon her shoulders. Cullen had taken off his fur overcoat and draped it over her. She hadn’t realized she was trembling. She continued, quieter still. “The Warden handed me his blade… I will never forget that moment. I had never held a sword before. It felt heavy and strange in my hand, but somehow he knew it was what I needed to do.”

“I cut them down. Every single Templar that was left fell under my blade. I do not regret it and I am not sorry. If I had to do it all over again I would go about it the same way. Those men were no men of honor. They were monsters and deserved their fate.”

She suddenly fell silent. She had locked away that part of her life in the farthest recesses of her mind for years, and now that all of the memories had been dragged out she was spent. At some point during their conversation she sagged against Cullen’s body. He had allowed her and it could have been her imagination, but he seemed to lean into her as well. “How…” She was interrupted by the Commander’s soft speech. “How can you even stand to be around me?”

She wearily pulled her head up from where it had dropped against his shoulder to look into his eyes. He wasn’t looking at her, his attention was elsewhere but she knew whatever he was looking at he wasn’t really seeing. He had his own demons, and she was sure her speech had dragged some of his to the surface. She placed a hand on his cheek and pulled his gaze down to hers.

“We are different people here Cullen. You’ve said so yourself. We are not Templars or mages; we are all part of the Inquisition. I have slain your brothers and sisters as you have slain mine. Whatever fate the Maker has for me I accept it. I am not afraid of you. I am no longer the scared Circle mage, and you are no longer the Knight-Commander of Kirkwall. You left the Order, and for the right reasons. The respect I have for you runs deeply. Leaving the Order could not have been easy, but now we fight on the same side.”

Evelyn dropped her hand from his cheek but he held her gaze. He shook his head minutely. “Your faith in me is undeserved, your blind trust is something I am not worthy of. You have no idea the things that I have done. I have treated mages unkindly in the past, often without reason. I am no longer that man, but he will always be a part of me.”

Evelyn fought to keep her eyes open, to focus on his words. “Cullen, you give yourself too little credit. You don’t see yourself as the others do, as I do.” Evelyn could fight the fatigue no longer, she allowed her head to drop back on Cullen's shoulder. Maker but he was so _warm_.

She felt herself starting to drift away. She knew he was speaking but for the life of her she just couldn't focus on his words. All she could focus on was how blessedly warm he was. Before she could catch herself his words fell completely away and she sank pleasantly into the abyss.

 

* * *

 

The first thing she noticed when her eyes slowly opened was that the sunlight streaming in through her window was entirely too high for her to just be waking.

The second thing she noticed was how well rested she felt. Sleep had not come easily to her for years and last night she drifted away comfortably, even peacefully at the Commander's side.

_The Commander._

“Andraste's flaming tiara!” Evelyn immediately jolted upright as the previous evening's events came flooding back. Last night after she spilled her most closely guarded secrets to the Commander of the Inquisition she promptly fell asleep, practically in his lap! Completely mortified didn't even begin to cover it.

She took a glance around the familiar cabin that had been her home for months now. So she was back in her cabin, in bed. He must have carried her? Maker's breath how was she to ever face him again? She looked down and couldn't help the smirk that curled her lips as she realized she was still wearing her robe. So he was a gentleman, chaste enough to leave her in her dressing robe even as he laid her to bed. Evelyn rubbed her face and let out a disgruntled sigh as she threw the blankets off of her and began to pull on her armor.

She was surprised they had left her in the cabin for so long. She would have figured by now they would have called her a heretic and delivered her to the gallows. Surely Cullen had told them everything, she wouldn't blame him, it was his duty after all.

For the briefest of moments, Evelyn considered running. She could sneak out of Haven easily enough, as long as the advisers were in the War Room. She could grab her staff, fill her pack with food and be out the gates within a matter of minutes. She quickly shook the idea off as she laced her boots. She had meant what she said to Cullen last night, she was tired of running.

Maker, _Cullen_. What must he think of her now? She refused to think on it as she made her way towards the Chantry. Perhaps they would give her a moment to to speak with him before they brought the ax down, she at least owed him an apology for dumping all of this on him.

No one looked at her oddly as she passed them in the Chantry halls. Perhaps Cullen had not said anything? She wondered, yet she dare not hope.

She was surprised as she pushed open the doors to the War Room to find Leliana, Josephine, Cassandra and Cullen all conversing with smiles on their faces. When she stepped inside all of their attention was drawn to her.

“Lady Trevelyan, we have been waiting for you.” Evelyn almost winced at Josephine's dissaproving tone.

“Yes I'm sorry, I believe I'm a little more than fashionably late.” She felt herself relax a little as her companions chuckled at her poor attempt at humor.

“I trust you slept well?” Evelyn brought her eyes up to meet Cullen's gaze. There was no threat in his words, no malice. His eyes were warm and she wasn't sure if it was the light but his cheeks appeared to be flushed. She could tell by the intensity of his gaze that he was trying to tell her something.

She smiled softly and answered him earnestly. “Quite well, _thank you._ ” Cullen's lips quirked up in a smiled and he nodded minutely.

“Now that you are here we must discuss our impending alliance.” Cassandra ignored pleasantries and immediately got down to business.

She could feel her eyes widened as Cassandra brought up the breach. So he had not told them? Evelyn was not prone to becoming emotional but at that moment she found herself wanting to weep with gratitude. What had she done to deserve such kindness?

“I know you have qualms about the rebel mages Commander, but...” Leliana was cut off by Cullen loudly clearing his throat.

“My qualms have been resolved. We will find a way into Redcliffe Castle and secure and alliance with the mages.” Evelyn, along with the others gathered around the table gazed at the Commander in shock.

“I don't understand, you were _vehemently_ against an alliance with the rebel mages before. What changed your mind?” Josephine asked.

“I had a lot to think about last night. I left the Order for a reason, perhaps an alliance with them is not the best course of action.” He paused and brought his burning gaze towards her own. Evelyn could feel her cheeks flame as he smiled slightly. “Do you have any objections Lady Trevelyan?”

She cleared her throat quietly when she realized she was gaping at him. Nervously ran her fingers through her hair and nodded towards each of them but allowed her gaze to linger on Cullen. “I have no objections.”

He was doing this because of _her._ She always knew the Commander was a smart man but perhaps he had read between the lines of her story almost _too_ well. She did not lie when she said she wasn't afraid of him, but to those still loyal to the Order? They terrified her. She hid it well, or at least she thought she did.

But he knew. Somehow she could just tell, he knew.

**Author's Note:**

> I assure you, this IS a Cullen/Trevelyan fic :)


End file.
